


The Question

by RaeDMagdon



Series: Questions and Answers [1]
Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-04
Updated: 2013-11-04
Packaged: 2017-12-31 10:40:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1030719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RaeDMagdon/pseuds/RaeDMagdon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The night before the Connors trial, Alex asks Olivia the question that has been haunting her since she left New York. An extension of the hotel scene in 'Ghost'.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Question

The door closed with a soft click, but Alex didn't turn around. She could hear Olivia moving towards her, feet shuffling over the carpet, but she stared resolutely at the pair of dice sitting in the center of the backgammon board. Both ones. "He beat you again?" Olivia asked, and the familiar sound of her voice – a voice she had missed for three years - shook Alex's resolve. She would have to deal with this sooner or later. After a moment, she gave in, facing Olivia and folding her arms tight beneath her breasts.

"Yeah, like a rug."

She tried not to watch too closely as Olivia set down her bag and began stripping off her leather jacket. Alex nearly said something when she recognized it, and the familiar rustle of the material made her palms ache. She wanted to run her fingers over it, to re-learn the texture.

"You wanna keep playing?"

Alex shook her head, moving towards the window. It was strangely comforting to see bright lights pouring in from the streets outside. Another thing she had missed about New York while she was gone. "Nah." She leaned against the sill, head resting just beneath the raised blinds. Suddenly, the small hotel room felt stifling. "I wish these windows opened. I want to smell the city..."

"You mean the rotting garbage and the diesel exhaust?" Alex watched Olivia come up to stand beside her, and the patches of light coming in through the window illuminated her face. For a moment, Alex froze, simply taking it in. She had thought the face was etched into her memory, but there were small changes. Her hair was longer, and she had obviously gotten highlights. There were a few more wrinkles just around her lips. And Alex had forgotten about the small flecks of gold in her brown eyes.

"Wisconsin is so quiet," she found herself admitting. "Sometimes when I get homesick, I hum the Mr. Softee song."

"You making any friends?"

That was a loaded question, one that sent a lance of guilt through Alex's stomach. She bit her lower lip for a moment, the corners of her mouth twitching up in a nervous, insecure, unhappy smile. She gave a small shrug, and turned further away from the window and towards Olivia. "There's a claims adjuster at the insurance agency where I work." Her voice broke, and she had to swallow before she could force any more words past her dry throat. "And we've been seeing each other."

Olivia's expression fell. It completely changed the appearance of her face. She suddenly looked older, and the new wrinkles became more prominent.

Alex forced herself to continue, unsure why she was even confessing this to Olivia at all. She had a new life – or, had. It wasn't like she would be able to go back now. "He's a good man. He thinks I'm from Tulsa." She felt her own expression faltering to match Olivia's, blinking back the uncomfortable sting in her eyes. "And when we're in bed together at night, he whispers my name. Emily."

Olivia looked down. She inhaled a deep breath through her nose. "It's hard to be someone that you're not."

"I can't stop thinking like a prosecutor," Alex said, not sure whether to be angry at herself, at Olivia for her non-reaction, or at fate for bringing them back together after ripping them apart. "Connors is going to sit in that courtroom tomorrow, looking like a choir boy. He is going to charm the jury with his Irish brogue and I have to make them see who he really is, but –" It was too much. She buried her face in her hands, unable to look at Olivia anymore. She heard the detective moving away from her, and was both relieved and hurt at the renewed distance. "I don't even know what makes him tick!"

Olivia turned back just as Alex finally uncovered her eyes, afraid she would start crying if she kept them hidden. She held a file in one of her hands. "Alex..." She stopped talking and began to walk back to the window. "You didn't see this."

Hoping that Olivia wouldn't notice her shaking hands, Alex reached out. Their fingers brushed. She didn't know whether it was deliberate on her part, or an accident. She opened the file, her eyes widening as she stared down at a recent mugshot of Connors. Then, she looked back up at Olivia in disbelief. "Is this –?"

A small, weak version of Olivia's smile returned. "You said you wanted to know what made him tick," she said, the only explanation she would offer. "Here you go."

Alex looked down at the file one more time. Then, she closed it, setting it aside on the table near the backgammon board. "You didn't have to do this," she said as she straightened back up. "If anyone finds out..."

"It doesn't matter," Olivia whispered. "The only thing that matters is helping you."

The last of Alex's resolve broke. She closed the distance between them. Before she realized what was happening, she had taken Olivia's hands in hers, running her thumbs over the slightly scarred knuckles in a gesture that she had almost forgotten in their time apart. "The night –" her voice cracked, and she had to start again. "The night I... died... and they put me in the car. You wanted to tell me something. I could see it in your face." She took a shuddering breath and gathered the courage to ask the question that had haunted her for the past three years. "What was it?"

Olivia drew Alex's hands up to her face, holding them just beneath her chin, so close that her breath warmed them. "You already know. You wanted to say the same thing. You tell me first."

And then Olivia's lips brushed across the back of her hand, and the knot in Alex's stomach finally unraveled. "Do you know why I... why Emily... chose to be with a man instead of a woman?"

Another flash of hurt crossed Olivia's face, and this time, her recovery was slower. Alex could see the pain work its way through her expression, tightening the muscles near her eyes and in her jaw. She stayed silent.

"Because I wanted someone that was the complete opposite of you. Someone I wouldn't fall in love with. Someone I could leave. Because, you... even though I've left New York, I haven't left you behind." Alex felt warmth streak down the curve of both her cheeks, and it took her a moment to realize that she was crying. "But I was fooling myself with that, too. No woman could replace you, either. Even if I tried."

Olivia did not answer with words. Instead, she pulled her hands free of Alex's grip, threading them behind her neck and pulling her into a kiss.

At first, the firm press of Olivia's mouth startled her. The kiss tasted like heat and loneliness and the salt of her tears, but as her lips parted automatically for Olivia's tongue, Alex began to pick up on the natural taste underneath. It brought back a wash of memories, and her body responded instantly. A surge of warmth blossomed out from directly between her legs, and she shivered as Olivia's other hand cupped her hip, drawing their bodies closer together.

The fresh contact lit a spark. Still trading hard kisses, they began stripping hurriedly out of their clothes. Alex reached for the hem of Olivia's shirt, trying to pull it up and over her head, but when she realized that removing it meant having to pull away, she gave up and tugged at Olivia's lower lip with her teeth, unwilling to stop. Olivia made the decision for her, breaking off their kiss just long enough to yank off the top layer and mess up the short toss of her hair. She didn't bother seeing where it landed.

"Olivia," Alex murmured, running her hands along the sleek curves of her sides and pulling the thin layer of fabric that separated her from bare skin. Olivia didn't respond to her name. Instead, she tore her undershirt up and over her head. Alex didn't even get a chance to see the firm muscles of her stomach before Olivia forced her back, pinning her against the nearest wall. Warm lips began kissing a line from her collarbone to her throat, and Alex felt her heartbeat stutter out of rhythm. She lifted her chin, tilting her head to give Olivia as much access as she could.

A low throb pulsed between her legs as teeth sank into the cord of her shoulder, pulling possessively enough to leave a mark. Even more memories flashed through her mind, of the countless times she had tried to stop Olivia from biting her, because make-up never really covered the bruises well enough for court. She had added a lot of turtlenecks to her wardrobe then...

Olivia yanked her out of the past as a thigh pressed insistently between hers. Without even thinking, Alex ground down just above her knee, desperate for any kind of purchase, even if it was through both their clothes. Meanwhile, Olivia's hands were sliding down along her stomach, tugging up the hem of her sweater, trying to reach naked skin. Alex lifted her arms, moving an inch away from the wall so that Olivia could pull it off. A few more strands of hair fell out of her already-messy bun, but she didn't care.

As soon as her sweater hit the floor, Olivia halted. Their bodies were still pressed flush together, and her thigh was wedged between Alex's legs, but her hands simply helped brace some of her weight against the wall as their faces hovered inches apart. Alex saw the exact moment when doubt flickered across Olivia's face. "Alex... is this..."

"Don't think about it," Alex pleaded, knowing that this might be her only chance. This time, she wasn't going to waste it, wasn't going to let it slip by without showing Olivia how she felt. If they didn't do this, it would haunt her forever. "Please, just..."

She didn't finish her sentence. Their lips joined again, and Alex let out a whimper of relief into the kiss as Olivia's hands returned, curling possessively around her hips, stroking her stomach, even brushing up along both of her arms before finally pulling in at her shoulders and cupping both of her breasts. Everywhere Olivia had touched burned through her camisole, and she desperately wished that she hadn't worn a bra underneath it. "More," she gasped as they parted briefly for breath. Olivia's thigh shifted away, and she pushed her hips forward, searching for more contact. "I need –"

"Yes..." Too impatient to pull off the tight-fitting shirt, Olivia simply tugged the straps down instead, revealing the white cups of her bra. Then, she undid the back, forcing Alex to arch her spine and push her breasts forward so that she could reach the hooks. Finally, it came off, and Olivia began trailing kisses and soft bites down the slope of her chest, only briefly catching her collarbone before her lips sealed around the tight bud of a nipple.

Alex's breath hitched, and she slid her fingers through the soft strands of Olivia's hair, trying to pull her closer. When she looked down, all she could see was the top of Olivia's forehead and part of the line of her nose, but she could feel the detective's teeth grazing the sensitive tip of her breast, and the slight pain and pressure made her tremble. Olivia noticed, because her other hand began wandering down Alex's still-clothed stomach, finally reaching the button of her pants and flicking it open. Then Olivia's hand pushed past her zipper, and knowing fingers slid beneath the waistband of her underwear.

The first touch nearly made Alex come. It had been so long, and sex with anyone other than Olivia hardly counted as sex at all. No one else had her sure touch. No one else had spent hours learning every inch of her body. No one else knew her. Not Emily, or even Alexandra Cabot the prosecutor, but Alex. Just Alex, without any extras. She wanted to tell Olivia everything, to try and put her thoughts into words, but speech became impossible as Olivia's fingers focused directly on her clit, rubbing the swollen point through its hood and circling the tip.

Alex gripped Olivia's hair tighter, but with the detective's fingers working between her legs, she barely felt the mouth at her breast except when Olivia bit down. She hardly noticed as Olivia began kissing across her chest, pulling her other nipple between her lips. Her entire world had condensed to the fingers that were stroking over her clit. The rest was too overwhelming to process along with her scattered thoughts and feelings.

"God, Olivia, fuck me," she found herself begging, not even bothering to filter the words. "I need you inside, I need..." And then two of Olivia's fingers were sliding lower, pushing inside of her, stretching the tight ring of muscle at her entrance and curling forward to find the swollen, ridged place against her front wall. Her hips bucked forward, but Olivia didn't relent, pushing against the same spot again and again as her thumb continued circling her clit.

"Alex..." Olivia only breathed her name as she began kissing her way back up Alex's throat, nuzzling into her neck and ignoring the loose strands of hair that tickled her nose. Her breathing was ragged, and Alex could feel it against her face. "Come for me."

And with Olivia thrusting inside of her, pulling every pulse of pleasure from her body, Alex had to obey.

She screamed Olivia's name and tightened around her fingers, releasing a flood of wetness into her palm. Olivia's hand didn't stop moving, guiding her through each wave, responding to every twitch of her inner muscles. Alex gasped for air, torn between pleading for more and begging for the overload of pleasure to ease off. But her body was beyond her control, and she could only ride out the last several aftershocks, as Olivia took her mouth in another kiss.

Finally, she sagged against the wall, content with Olivia's fingers inside of her and the detective's weight pressing against her. She tried to speak, to say something about what had just happened, but there were no words. Instead, she waited several heartbeats for her shivers to fade before pushing Olivia away with a gentle hand to her chest, forcing her to step back and pull out.

At first, Olivia seemed confused, then hurt, but her dark eyes flashed with arousal when she realized that Alex was guiding her towards the bed. "You didn't think we were finished, did you?" Alex asked, finally reclaiming her words. "This might be the only..." She swallowed off the end of the sentence, refusing to think about it. They had tonight, and it would have to be enough.

Looking strangely elated and relieved, Olivia sat on the edge of the bed, scooting backwards onto the mattress as Alex crawled on top of her. "Those need to come off," she said, gesturing at Alex's clothes. She made hurried work of her own, lifting her hips just enough to pull her pants down and off. They caught on her ankle, but she didn't care, and finally managed to kick them aside along with her underwear.

Alex groaned as she stripped off the camisole she has half-wearing and stepped out of her pants. It had been so long since she had seen Olivia naked, and she drank in the vision, letting it sear into her brain so that she would never forget. She wanted to memorize the slight dip of Olivia's collarbone, the shape of her arms, the curve of her hips. Olivia's lightly tanned skin was impossibly soft, but the powerful, sleek sheets of muscle just underneath were tensed with anticipation. Her breasts sat high on her chest, capped with perfect brown nipples, but Alex's eyes continued trailing down along the line that bisected her stomach, finally settling between her legs.

That part was just as she had remembered – a soft, neatly trimmed patch of dark hair just above swollen, smooth lips that seemed to flare open for her. She could even see the bud of Olivia's clit peeking out. Alex's tongue felt heavy in her mouth. She leaned forward, glad that her hair was already pulled back, and draped one of Olivia's knees over her shoulder.

Olivia tasted just as good as she remembered. The first brush of her tongue brought a surge of wetness with it, and she moaned at the warm, slightly salty flavor as she sealed her lips around Olivia's clit, tugging at the stiff point and lashing it with her tongue. One of Olivia's hands shot down to grip her shoulder, and the other tangled in her hair, holding her in place as her hips began to rock forward. It took Alex a few seconds to follow the motion, but eventually, they fell into a rhythm.

"Fuck," she heard Olivia mutter as she shifted her attention down, pressing forward with her tongue. "How did I go so long without..." The sentence trailed off, and Alex couldn't help feeling a little smug. She didn't know whether Olivia had been with anyone else while she was gone, and for some reason, she didn't care. Tonight, none of it mattered. Olivia wanted her.

With fresh confidence, Alex set about re-learning every inch of her lover. The soft, low moans that hummed from Olivia's throat whenever she pressed inside with her tongue made her shiver, but she loved the sharper, louder noises Olivia made whenever she moved up to tease her clit. She drifted back and forth, unable to choose. It turned into a game, and she tried to find out how long she could suck the hard point of Olivia's clit without making her come. Whenever Olivia's thighs tensed and the rocking of her hips became more insistent, she shifted back down and started over.

Olivia gasped, nearly undoing the rest of Alex's bun as her fingers tightened on the back of her head. Her heel dug in to the middle of Alex's back. "Oh god, stay there, I need – ahh!" Alex made a seal with her lips, dragging her tongue in slow circles that had Olivia bucking against her mouth. Wetness splashed over her chin, and she gazed up along the shivering muscles of Olivia's stomach, watching them tense. Part of her desperately wanted to see Olivia's eyes while she came, but the detective's chin was tilted back, her spine arching as she rode through the ragged pulses of her release.

After a while, Olivia's hips slowed down, and she collapsed back onto the mattress, staring up at the ceiling with glazed eyes. Alex finally pulled away, running the back of her hand over her mouth briefly before crawling on top of Olivia's still form. She let out a low sigh as their skin brushed. Even after all this time, their bodies still fit together perfectly. "You have no idea how much I've missed doing that," she whispered. "How much I've missed you."

Olivia let out a long sigh, and her eyes opened again. "I think I have some idea," she said softly. Then, gently, she turned Alex onto her side, then her back, hovering over her on the mattress. Their lips were a breath apart again.

Alex ran one of her hands along Olivia's naked back, pulling her closer. "It's been three years, but I haven't forgotten what we..." She paused, torn between the words 'had' and 'have', unsure whether to refer to their relationship in the present tense or not. Olivia saved her by kissing her again, and this time, it was gentle instead of hungry.

Their hands began to wander, and soon, Alex felt Olivia's fingertips graze her inner thigh. She spread her legs, letting Olivia settle between them. "Yes," she murmured, sliding her own hand between their bodies. "Let me touch you, too..."

Olivia used her other elbow to brace her weight, and Alex couldn't resist tracing the hard muscles of her core before cupping the heel of her hand between her legs. She felt Olivia copy her and let out a low groan as two fingers pressed inside, filling her and finding the same spot that had brought her over the edge so quickly before. For one long moment, they held perfectly still, not quite believing that they were finally together, inside of each other, after so much time apart.

Swallowing back the thick lump in her throat, Alex forced herself to look up into Olivia's eyes. They were glistening, and Alex suddenly realized that Olivia thought this was a goodbye. She might have been right, but Alex hoped she wasn't. Since she couldn't find her words, she reassured Olivia with her touch. She thrust forward with her hand, finding all of the places she remembered. Olivia felt so warm and tight and good around her fingers that Alex's eyes began stinging again as she fought back her own tears.

Finally, when they could breathe again, they began moving. Instinctively, they fell into the same rhythm – slow, deep thrusts that were forceful enough to burn. Alex bit her lip, and her hair finally pulled out from what was left of her bun, falling across the pillow. Olivia's lips latched onto her shoulder, touching up the mark she had already left. Alex hoped the bruise would last for days. She wanted to keep a reminder of the first moment in years where she had actually felt like herself again.

One of Alex's legs came up to cradle Olivia's hip, and even though her wrist ached, she managed to match Olivia's full thrusts. It took a little searching, but she finally found an angle that had Olivia panting raggedly against her cheek. The fingers inside of her sped up, pushing as deep as possible before curling forward was they dragged back out. "God, Alex..."

"Liv..." The endearment made Olivia slow down for a split second, and she swiped the pad of her thumb over Alex's clit at the same moment that Alex pushed even deeper inside of her.

They came together, their cries muffled with kisses. Breathing suddenly wasn't important anymore. Only getting closer mattered, each twitch of tight, velvet heat, every spill of warmth. The last distance between them closed, and both of them shuddered and tensed as they kept thrusting through their release, determined to draw it out to the last second. Before and after stopped mattering, because for now, they were together.

At last, the two of them collapsed into a tangled heap. Their hearts hammered, and they took in heavy breaths. Olivia was the one to break the not-quite silence. "I love you."

Alex blinked. "What?" she asked, turning her head, unsure if she had heard right. They had shared those words so easily before. But now...

"That's the answer to your question. What I wanted to say to you while they were taking you away. I'm not going to miss the chance to say it again, no matter what happens."

A slow smile spread across Alex's face, and she rested her head in the crook of Olivia's strong shoulder, comforted by the sound of a steady heartbeat beneath her ear. "You were right," she murmured, wrapping one arm around her lover's waist. "I already knew. And I love you, too."


End file.
